Tuesday, July 20, 2010
July 20th
Slept very well last night with the little help of some Tylenol PM. Have had a few more emotional days recently, and I'm soul searching for answers. I am usually extremely stable and optimistic, but I'm currently all over the place. I am so angry this has happened to me. I just don't understand how I can go from being so healthy to two surgeries and bed-riden. Randy and my mom and I discussed this during dinner last night. Heard a couple things that I hadn't heard before. Randy said my surgeon said if this cancer had not been found, I would not have lived to be 50. My mom mentioned that my surgeon said if this second surgery would not have taken place that the cancer would have returned and nothing could be done at that point... just the pain would be slow certain torture and death. I have so many different emotions going thru my head. I hear things like this, and I am grateful. I have so much to be thankful for. I have a strong loving family, a relationship with God, a beautiful, safe home, friends that love me, doggies that love me, etc, etc. I just continue to question why this happened to me, and I need to accept the fact that I could not have done anything to change things.
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Jenny,
ReplyDeleteJust to let you know, I offered prayers, rosaries, and Masses for you all throughout our pilgrimage to Lourdes, Fatima, Garabandal, Avila, etc. I pray for your complete healing and comfort and to be wrapped in God's love for you.
John
it is amazing how much science has moved so rapidly in the healthcare world. Yes Jenny, you are so fortunate now to really appreciate it, it really brings out the conflict of your feelings but at the same time it amplifies your blessings in being here in the right time and the right place. It is miraculous and yet scary. God has a plan and we never know what it is. Just walk the path and keep your eyes and ears open to all that He offers. It eventually comes to us why things happen when they do. I struggle with my faith but I do believe God is steering us in the right path. Stay strong, don't worry, complain a little, you have the right, God understands. Vent the anger to Him. In a strange way, it is a call to Him and he feels you and your pain and your joys!!!
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