July 23rd

I am feeling SO much better... amazing what a few days can do. Went to the doctor on Tuesday and he said I'm healing beautifully. He also mentioned, his exact words were, "you will feel like a new girl in 4 weeks." Yeah! Doctor gave me some new pain meds and something for anxiety and said to take as needed. Mainly taking one of the pain meds before I go to sleep, and it's helping me sleep. It is so wonderful to wake up after sleeping the night thru and feel rested. I think I was so sleep deprived that it was making me looney. My home nurse stopped by yesterday and she mentioned I looked "great", and I about hugged her.

Besides sleeping better, I'm actually feeling a bit of my stamina returning. Last week, it was all I could do to sit up. Now I'm actually sitting up with out as much pain and am walking more each day. Getting out of bed or getting off the couch was an absolute chore. I felt like a rolly-polly trying to sit up. Now I'm able to get out of the bed or off the couch without much struggle. I know these things sound minor, but we forget how many things we take for granted.

July 20th

Slept very well last night with the little help of some Tylenol PM. Have had a few more emotional days recently, and I'm soul searching for answers. I am usually extremely stable and optimistic, but I'm currently all over the place. I am so angry this has happened to me. I just don't understand how I can go from being so healthy to two surgeries and bed-riden. Randy and my mom and I discussed this during dinner last night. Heard a couple things that I hadn't heard before. Randy said my surgeon said if this cancer had not been found, I would not have lived to be 50. My mom mentioned that my surgeon said if this second surgery would not have taken place that the cancer would have returned and nothing could be done at that point... just the pain would be slow certain torture and death. I have so many different emotions going thru my head. I hear things like this, and I am grateful. I have so much to be thankful for. I have a strong loving family, a relationship with God, a beautiful, safe home, friends that love me, doggies that love me, etc, etc. I just continue to question why this happened to me, and I need to accept the fact that I could not have done anything to change things.

July 14th

After 12 days in the hospital, I am home. Came home Sunday afternoon. The last couple days in the hospital about put me over the edge. I have to thank Teresa again for her words of wisdom saying break downs lead to break thru's. It helped me accept that my moments are ok, and I have to remember that I am not in control. Anyway, it's true, there is no place like home. I am on complete bed rest for 2 weeks followed by two weeks of limited activity. Feeling a bit better each day, but I am still extremely weak and swollen. My mom has been cooking, and it's been a welcomed treat after not eating for 9 or so days followed by the days of soft hospital food.

I had the funniest thing happen to me at the hospital after they gave me some Ambien (sleep aid). I slept soundly for about an hour only to wake up and buzz the nurse and ask the nurse where the Ambien was for my husband, doggies and kitties. The nurse then came to my room and asked me again what I was needing... and I told her that Randy and my dogs and cats needed their Ambien. The third time around, I realized I was sleep talking and woke up. I laughed and laughed and laughed. It felt so good, and I understand the nurses got a good laugh from it too.

As always, I love hearing from everyone! Stay cool!

Jello and juice. Yippee! My bowels are definitely waking up and are making quite a fuss. I guess it's their way of asking what the...

My morning has been terrible. I've decided my hospital bed is really a vessel of torture. I am absolutely exhausted and am having a terrible time trying to sleep. My nurses all agree that I am not getting any decent sleep... just 20 minutes here, 20 minutes there. I'd love to try to sleep for more than an hour. I think my nurse is going to ask my doctor for a sleep aid.

Regarding my morning, I have to remind myself that I am going to have bad days, and it's ok. A bad day doesn't mean I am losing my positive attitude. I hate being cooped up in this hospital and not being able to enjoy the comforts of home. The loss of freedom to do what I want, when I want is a real struggle. I can't try to understand why this is happening... just to try to accept it as best as I can.

July 7th

I am still not real coherent, but I wanted to give some sort of update even though it's certain to be short and to the point.

Wow... what an experience so far. Surgery went off without a hitch as scheduled Wednesday morning, June 30th. All appeared to have gone extremely well. Pathology was in surgery and said all the tissue was cancer free. When I came out of recovery, I was told that I was on the road to recovery. Friday night, my surgeon stopped by to tell me that they found cancer cells in some of the tissue that has been removed, and I needed another surgery to remove all the remaining tissue. Had second surgery Saturday and am just now feeling somewhat normal. Haven't eaten anything since Monday, June 28th. Can't eat until my bowels to wake up. I am just now beginning to feel hungry. Could be at least a couple more days before bowels are functioning enough to let me start on some soft solids. Sounds like I may be in hospital for another 5-7 days. Am extremely wiped out... will write more tomorrow.

Take care!