January 24th

Where does the time go? I cannot believe January is almost over. Spring will soon be here. Yippee! I've gone back to work full-time. Three days a week at the Sun selling advertising and two days a week at Innovative Products. It's great to be out of the house, but I seem to get little else done. It's so nice to finally have a pay check again. Not working for 10 months was rough financially, but things could have been worse. We'll get thru this. My hair is about 3/4 of an inch long. Lots of gray. Not as thick as I'd like. I just hope time does it justice. I need to go on a diet. Food tastes like it should, and I'm enjoying every bite. I've actually put on a few pounds this winter. It's cold. It's very easy to come home from work, eat some dinner and then get a blanket and lounge on the couch. :-) I'm feeling good. Finally building up some stamina, but I like my sleep. Don't have to go to the doctor again until late March. Yeah! Take care. Love ya all!

January 3rd, 2011

Happy New Year! Yes, a new year... thank God!

I haven't written since before Thanksgiving and a LOT has happened in the past 7 weeks. Treatments are completely over. My port has been removed. Ended up in the hospital the Wednesday after Thanksgiving for 5 days. Lots of stomach cramps and just didn't feel quite right. Turned out I had an infection and was running a 103.7 fever when I was admitted. My white blood cell count was extremely low and was depleted of some metals. They put me on some heavy duty IV antibiotics and IV magnesium, potassium, and iron. Slept great this go around and came out feeling like a new woman. Each day gets a better.

Started back part-time at Sun Publications in the middle of December. Things are going well. It is so great to see and talk to people about things other than cancer and my treatments. My hair is growing, but it's startling to see how much gray I really have. Hair color does amazing things. LOL! My eye lashes and eye brows have come back. Love it! I had a check up with my oncologist last week and all is good.

Christmas and New Years was quiet at our house. Spent time with the family enjoying each other's company and good food. I'm sad to see the holidays go, but I'm also excited to get this year rolling and see where it takes me.

My prayer is for everyone to have a wonderful and healthy 2011. Love to you all!

November 14th

Well, as some of you know, my hair is gone... I'm bald. I wasn't sure how I'd handle this, but in all actuality, it's quite liberating. It is what it is, and I can't do anything about it. The wonderful thing about it is the cheering and support I've had from my circle of friends/family and other cancer patients and survivors. Randy and I were out to dinner last night, and I was approached by a woman who is a cancer survivor and she immediately recognized I was going thru treatment because of my hair (or lack of). She shared her story, and I was warmed by her positive spirit and well wishes. Then at Wal-mart this morning, I ran into a gal with similar hair who is going thru treatment and we shared our stories and well wishes with each other. I feel so loved, blessed, and am humbled by everyone's support and am shocked by how many people are affected by this crazy disease!

Tomorrow starts my last round of chemo and then I am done! I know I'll be chemo sick for a couple weeks following this week, but I am so excited to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just pray daily that I never have to revisit this disease. It's been a crazy ride, but I survived. Wow... I can't believe it's almost over. I'll have to have PT scans and continue seeing my oncologist this next year, but no more treatments or chemo sickness. Hallelujah!

I'm so looking forward to December and enjoying the Christmas season. I hope everyone has a fabulous Thanksgiving. I know I have a lot to be thankful for and hope everyone struggling with everyday life can find some goodness in the craziness of it all. Love and prayers!

October 21rst

Day 4 of round 3 of post surgery chemo... so far so good. I'm usually feeling some side effects by now but am only feeling a bit nauseous and still watching my hair fall out. I'm mortified by this hair thing. I've tried a couple wigs, and I can honestly say, I'm not a wig girl. They just don't do me any justice. I bought a really cute hat that has some bling on it so it's my mainstay. My doctor suggested I cut off what hair I have remaining, but I just can't do it.

Our trip to North Carolina was fantastic. Randy and I stopped on our way to NC in Atlanta to see Sue. That was great. Hadn't seen her in a year and a half. Good things never change. Then we were picked our by dear friends Tom and Kim in Atlanta and drove the rest of the way to Emerald Isle, NC. Lovely, lovely, lovely. We had beautiful weather, ate good food, drank a bit and just enjoyed life. I was sorry to see the trip end so soon. Luckily we are having some lovely fall weather here in KC. Randy is back in NC this week for his brother's promotion ceremony. He was promoted to a 2 Star General. Very exciting stuff.

Hope everyone is doing well. Love you all~

October 5th

Once again, where does the time go? I cannot believe it is already October. Put out some Halloween decorations over the weekend. Soon it will be Thanksgiving and Christmas. I am doing ok. Hanging in there with my post-surgery chemo. This has been much more than I expected. I did so well with the pre-surgery chemo and was anticipating the same. I've been sick quite frequently, extremely tired, and my hair is now falling out. Doctor didn't expect for me to have as much hair loss as I'm having, but I'm definitely losing a lot. I cut off about 10 inches a couple weeks ago thinking it would help it look fuller. Not sure if it helped or not, but now my hair is right above my shoulders. I'm wearing lots of hats. Doc said hair should start coming back in about 6 weeks following my last chemo session. I have two more to go and should be finished right before Thanksgiving. Instead of "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth", it will be more like, "All I want for Christmas is my hair to grow back".

My mom is doing quite well. She's driving again, and as I can attest to, when you can start driving again, it's a good feeling because you regain some of your freedom. I'm so relieved she made it thru her ordeal without any lasting issues. She still gets tired easily, but with time, I think she'll recover completely.

Chiefs are 3-0. Only undefeated team in the NFL. Go Chiefs! Leaving for North Carolina on Thursday. Flying into Atlanta. Randy and I are meeting Sue (former colleague) for lunch, and then we are meeting some friends in Atlanta and driving onto NC from there. Have someone coming to watch the dogs and I hope all goes well with that. So excited for the weekend. Will be on the beach at least one full day. I'll be wrapped up from head to toe since my skin is so sensitive to the sun because of the chemo, but I'm so looking forward to just sitting under the umbrella/tent and watching the ocean. Randy's class reunion is this weekend and then his brother has his 2 Star General promotion ceremony the following week. Very exciting stuff!

I just heard that a classmate of mine's son was killed in a car wreck. So sad. Don't know any details, but this reminds me how quickly one's life can change. Live, live, live!!!

September 13th

Where does the time go? The week following my chemo was not the best. I pretty much slept the week away while trying to deal with the nausea and mouth and skin issues. Thankfully the side effects have gone away and last week was a pretty good week. I saw my oncologist last week and he's agreed that my side effects were pretty severe so they are going to cut my chemo back by 20%. He also did a blood test to see if I'm missing an enzyme that helps break down the chemo. I'll know more when I start my next round next week. Right now, I'm feeling good so this should be a good week. Hopefully the next go around is better!

My mom is home. She's doing remarkably well considering how she was doing. We went to breakfast yesterday and then to the grocery store. She was beat by the time we got home, but I was so happy to see her up walking and feeling like her normal self. Thank you for all the prayers... they did their job!

My aunt and uncle are coming thru KC today. They are heading south for the winter. They are Winter Texans. Wish I could go. It will be great to see them as always!

Tonight's the Chiefs Home Opener on Monday night football!!! Go Chiefs!

August 31rst

A lot has happened since my last post. My mom is still in the hospital. Her blood work was out of wack the morning they were thinking she might be released. She's had a lot of ups and downs, but fortunately, she keeps rebounding. Yesterday she had a heart issue where both her heart rate and blood pressure shot quite high. Why? Not sure, but no sign of stroke or heart attack. She's still extremely weak, but she has been up walking which is a great sign.

First week of post-surgery chemo. Done. I was thinking I was going to make it thru without any side effects but some nausea, but NO, couldn't be so lucky. My lips started feeling funny Thursday night and then by Friday, my mouth, throat, and skin were completely irritated and fatigue had set in big time. Went to see my chemo doc's nurse practitioner yesterday. I was put on an IV for fluids since I hadn't been drinking much. Liquids/food are difficult to swallow. Plus an IV with some sort of anti-nausea drug. Gotta say, the nausea is better, but it's going to take time to get the mouth, throat, and skin issue back to normal. I haven't done much since Friday except sleep and watch football plus a few movies. Watched "8 Men Out". Great movie. Thanks Gretchen for the suggestion! That is two for two! :-)

I'm feeling a bit bummed as I was feeling SO good, but I know this too shall pass. I keep reminding myself this post-surgery chemo is like insurance. You gotta have it.

August 25th

Good morning!

Good news... sounds like my mom may be discharged from the hospital this morning. I know my mom would rather go home, but she will be going to Carondelet Assisted Living for anywhere from 10-30 days. As that Dorothy girl from Kansas said, "There's no place like home". My personal thought is Carondelet is for the best. She's still extremely weak and with the continued therapy, hopefully her strength will quickly return. It's amazing what a little time can do when one is recovering.

I started my chemo on Monday. So far, so good. I'm a bit tired, but that's nothing a little sleep can't fix. I'll have chemo today, Thursday and Friday, and then be off for 3 weeks before the next go around. 4 series of this and then I'm done. Had a follow up yesterday with my surgeon. He's quite pleased with everything and discharged me from his care. Yeah! Two doctors down, one to go. Unfortunately, I'll have to see my oncologist off and on for at least a few years for blood work, pt scans, annual colonoscopies (oh joy!) and other tests. Had blood tests on Monday, and my blood levels were "excellent". Yeah!

The heat in KC has broken. It got down in the 50's last night, and today's high is forecasted to be 80. Sounds like we are going to have a beautiful week, but the heat will return over the weekend. So happy to be done with the 100+ heat index days.

All- take care and prayers for all!

August 17th

It's official... this is the summer of the hospital. Something I didn't share previously is when I was in the hospital, two of my sister-in-laws were also in the hospital. One for a sudden and severe heart issue that she is lucky to have survived and the other for an emergency gallbladder removal. Well, now my mom is in the hospital. She had been feeling less than great the past week... trouble catching her breath, nausea, dry heaves, some vomiting, fever, etc, etc. Finally on Sunday, I convinced her to go to the doctor on Monday. The plan was I would take her following my chemo session. Well, she called yesterday AM at 730 AM and asked me to take her to the emergency room. Called Randy and then headed to her house. Randy arrived before I did, and they had called 911 before I arrived. The paramedics showed up quickly and both her oxygen level and blood pressure were extremely low. Arrived at ER at about 830 AM. Once there, the docs did a bunch of test. I know my mom was fearful that something was wrong with her heart or lungs. They finally determined that she had a bunch of blood clots in her lungs which was stopping the oxygen from getting into her blood stream. The doctor admitted her to ICU. This AM, the doctor wasn't real thrilled with her response to the meds and her blood pressure was still extremely low so they decided to do surgery to "squash" the clots and put in filters in case more clots form. The filters will prevent any clots from reaching her brain or heart. The procedure went very well and her blood pressure immediately normalized. She's extremely weak and groggy, but from what I am understanding, she will make a full recovery with time and a lot of rest. I know I've asked for a lot of prayers this summer but will you please add my mom to your prayers.

Regarding my chemo, my doctor's office was surprised to see me show up yesterday without my mom because she has been with me for all of my appointments. When I told them my mom was in the hospital, they decided to postpone my treatment for a week. They were afraid that since I'll be receiving a larger daily dosage that I might have some side effects and nausea, and they didn't want me feeling less than great with having to do additional driving to see my mom and for my treatments. I was more than relieved that they suggested this.

As always, take care!! Love you all!

August 16th

Another week has passed. Feeling remarkably well. It's really is amazing what a little time can do. The Kansas City heat has broken. Cool front came in Saturday night. Went to Wal-mart late yesterday afternoon (yes, I know, exciting stuff), and I could feel a cooler breeze coming from the north. I absolutely adore summer and the heat, but I haven't been able to get out or visit the pool daily like normal so I'm actually looking forward to fall.

Post-surgery chemo starts today. This time instead of wearing a pump 24/7, I will actually sit in the infusion room and get an IV. I do this Monday-Friday for about a half hour each day and then will be off for 3 weeks... this will go on for 4 series (16 weeks), then I should be done! Fingers crossed I don't experience many side effects this go around. Since one of the side effects of the chemo is skin and sun sensitivity, I went to the pool yesterday as a final hoorah. The weather was perfect. Mid 80's, low humidity, and sunny!

I am anxious to get back to work. I really miss working and interacting with people!!! Thank God for my family and friends... especially my mom. They've been great at listening to me chatter endlessly. :-) Take care all!

August 1rst

Another week has passed... for someone who isn't doing much, I don't know where the time goes. Overall the week was good. Each day I feel a bit better and am able to do more each day. Had a great day on Friday. My mom and niece came over and we watched movies, made tacos, and made jewelry. I was actually up for the full day. Wow, that's an accomplishment. The weekend has been quiet. Don't know what happened last night, but I didn't sleep a wink. Watched TV all night... Runaway Bride, Larry King, Nancy Grace, Joy Behar, a couple hours of Lockup. At least night time TV is better than daytime TV. Been napping off and on all day. Watched the 40-year old virgin earlier. LOL funny!

My stitches are all starting to dissolve, and my stomach incision is looking better than I thought it would. My tummy is still swollen, but it's almost back to normal. Drove yesterday. First time to drive since June 30th. Felt like I should have had an adult driver with me to supervise. Can't believe it's already August and just cannot believe I missed July. Hope everyone is enjoying their summer and keep in touch!

July 23rd

I am feeling SO much better... amazing what a few days can do. Went to the doctor on Tuesday and he said I'm healing beautifully. He also mentioned, his exact words were, "you will feel like a new girl in 4 weeks." Yeah! Doctor gave me some new pain meds and something for anxiety and said to take as needed. Mainly taking one of the pain meds before I go to sleep, and it's helping me sleep. It is so wonderful to wake up after sleeping the night thru and feel rested. I think I was so sleep deprived that it was making me looney. My home nurse stopped by yesterday and she mentioned I looked "great", and I about hugged her.

Besides sleeping better, I'm actually feeling a bit of my stamina returning. Last week, it was all I could do to sit up. Now I'm actually sitting up with out as much pain and am walking more each day. Getting out of bed or getting off the couch was an absolute chore. I felt like a rolly-polly trying to sit up. Now I'm able to get out of the bed or off the couch without much struggle. I know these things sound minor, but we forget how many things we take for granted.

July 20th

Slept very well last night with the little help of some Tylenol PM. Have had a few more emotional days recently, and I'm soul searching for answers. I am usually extremely stable and optimistic, but I'm currently all over the place. I am so angry this has happened to me. I just don't understand how I can go from being so healthy to two surgeries and bed-riden. Randy and my mom and I discussed this during dinner last night. Heard a couple things that I hadn't heard before. Randy said my surgeon said if this cancer had not been found, I would not have lived to be 50. My mom mentioned that my surgeon said if this second surgery would not have taken place that the cancer would have returned and nothing could be done at that point... just the pain would be slow certain torture and death. I have so many different emotions going thru my head. I hear things like this, and I am grateful. I have so much to be thankful for. I have a strong loving family, a relationship with God, a beautiful, safe home, friends that love me, doggies that love me, etc, etc. I just continue to question why this happened to me, and I need to accept the fact that I could not have done anything to change things.

July 14th

After 12 days in the hospital, I am home. Came home Sunday afternoon. The last couple days in the hospital about put me over the edge. I have to thank Teresa again for her words of wisdom saying break downs lead to break thru's. It helped me accept that my moments are ok, and I have to remember that I am not in control. Anyway, it's true, there is no place like home. I am on complete bed rest for 2 weeks followed by two weeks of limited activity. Feeling a bit better each day, but I am still extremely weak and swollen. My mom has been cooking, and it's been a welcomed treat after not eating for 9 or so days followed by the days of soft hospital food.

I had the funniest thing happen to me at the hospital after they gave me some Ambien (sleep aid). I slept soundly for about an hour only to wake up and buzz the nurse and ask the nurse where the Ambien was for my husband, doggies and kitties. The nurse then came to my room and asked me again what I was needing... and I told her that Randy and my dogs and cats needed their Ambien. The third time around, I realized I was sleep talking and woke up. I laughed and laughed and laughed. It felt so good, and I understand the nurses got a good laugh from it too.

As always, I love hearing from everyone! Stay cool!

Jello and juice. Yippee! My bowels are definitely waking up and are making quite a fuss. I guess it's their way of asking what the...

My morning has been terrible. I've decided my hospital bed is really a vessel of torture. I am absolutely exhausted and am having a terrible time trying to sleep. My nurses all agree that I am not getting any decent sleep... just 20 minutes here, 20 minutes there. I'd love to try to sleep for more than an hour. I think my nurse is going to ask my doctor for a sleep aid.

Regarding my morning, I have to remind myself that I am going to have bad days, and it's ok. A bad day doesn't mean I am losing my positive attitude. I hate being cooped up in this hospital and not being able to enjoy the comforts of home. The loss of freedom to do what I want, when I want is a real struggle. I can't try to understand why this is happening... just to try to accept it as best as I can.

July 7th

I am still not real coherent, but I wanted to give some sort of update even though it's certain to be short and to the point.

Wow... what an experience so far. Surgery went off without a hitch as scheduled Wednesday morning, June 30th. All appeared to have gone extremely well. Pathology was in surgery and said all the tissue was cancer free. When I came out of recovery, I was told that I was on the road to recovery. Friday night, my surgeon stopped by to tell me that they found cancer cells in some of the tissue that has been removed, and I needed another surgery to remove all the remaining tissue. Had second surgery Saturday and am just now feeling somewhat normal. Haven't eaten anything since Monday, June 28th. Can't eat until my bowels to wake up. I am just now beginning to feel hungry. Could be at least a couple more days before bowels are functioning enough to let me start on some soft solids. Sounds like I may be in hospital for another 5-7 days. Am extremely wiped out... will write more tomorrow.

Take care!

June 29th

Enjoying a lovely bowel cleanse today... I keep telling myself some people pay big bucks for these sort of treatments at the high-dollar salons. This is what I call pampering at its finest!! :-)

June 28th

Yesterday was quite an emotionally charged day... what it was, I don't know, but I was all over the place. I went to mass with my mom in the AM and cried thru the entire mass. My mom asked me a couple times if I was OK. I was totally OK, but the tears kept coming. I finally decided we were in the weepy pew as I noticed a couple down the row was having issues of their own. The women kept crying and her husband was trying to comfort her. It reminded me that we all have struggles. Following mass, the moms, Randy, Kendra and I all went to an early dinner at Cinzetti's for my birthday. Good as always. When we were leaving, I saw a very young girl, probably 10 years old or so, in an electric wheelchair. That sent me into another crying spell, but it made me think that I really don't have it so bad. I will get thru this and my life will return to normal... I just need to give it time and practice patience.

June 25th

Rec'd clearance!!! All is set for Wednesday!!!

June 24th

Received a call from my surgeon's office yesterday saying I needed a Cardiac Consult/Clearance for Surgery because my EKG came back borderline abnormal, and I cannot have this surgery until I get cleared. They recommended me to a cardiac specialist who's first available appointment was in August. Uh no... not postponing this surgery if at all avoidable. Called my GP, and the scheduler said that they could do this and could get me in tomorrow (Thursday). OK... felt like I was getting somewhere only to discover an hour later that they don't do the consult/clearance, but they do do EKG's for pre-surgery physicals. They finally got me in with a cardiac specialist for tomorrow (Friday). My GP's nurse said a borderline EKG could be caused by a number of things, but I'm hoping it's just stress. Please wish me luck!